Many men assume the female responses are similar to those of men. The penis can be physically stimulated into an aroused state, sometimes even against the man's wishes. With women, the clitoris and vagina are irritated by friction and contact without the appropriate preparation. A woman needs to be both mentally and physically receptive to the contact. Ignorance of this fact is probably the leading factor in most "lousy lovers," and an underlying mentality in most instances of date rape. The bottom line--to a woman, premature, abrupt or uninvited contact with her genitalia is not only unpleasant, but easily considered a hostile act.

The penis, even flaccid, doesn't sense pain as intensely as other body parts, but it sure excels at sensing pleasure. The vagina works quite differently. The unaroused vagina is more restricted, less moist, and not receptive to pleasure. The following changes must first take place to make fingers, penises or toys welcome in a vagina:

• Psychological arousal. In most cases, it's nearly impossible for a turned-off woman's physical responses to come into play until she's in a mentally conducive state. Given that women tend to have more sexual anxieties than men (pregnancy, rape, disease, disrepute) and often feel pressured into sex, it may take substantially more reassurance (foreplay) than men do.
• Physical arousal. Once mental tensions have reduced and specific hormones and neurotransmitters are released, blood flow to the vulva brings multiple changes to the vagina itself. In short, these include a thickening of the lining tissues, a widening of the vaginal channel and increased lubrication, all of which make intercourse more tolerable. Once the female sexual sensory organ, the clitoris, is well engorged, vaginal penetration can be pleasurable (the clitoris extends from the exterior to the frontal interior of the vagina, and around its sides).

This isn't to say all women require a Broadway production to get ready. Often a woman can rapidly become so mentally stimulated that she's ready to ride almost immediately. But the general rule is that women have more concerns than men do, and a more involved physical process.

So, guys, if you really want to be known as a wonderful lover, you'll never push a woman into a situation and you'll never simply dive in without a clear, believable invitation.

OK, I have to add this last part because
so many women I know have been
sexually abused or mishandled.

DATE RAPE: Final "spell out" for the guys. Dudes, don't let ignorance make a rapist out of you. Many perpetrators of sex crimes often repeat the same line, "she wanted it." Sex offenders often imagine their female victims feel the same pleasure they do during sexual contact (feels good to the weenie, feels good to the pussy--nope). Even though many women have fantasies about rough or forced sex--these are only fantasies where they're presupposing no harm will come to them, and already in a state of arousal (the fantasy stranger is welcome--a reality stranger is not). When a sex act is forced on a woman, especially by an intimidating intruder, there is no way the act can be pleasant or appreciated, and all it will do is traumatize a woman and most likely destroy her self image and her ability to trust men in sexual situations for a long time to come.
    The only good sex is consensual sex. Don't assume you're invited. Err on the side of safety. 'No' means no. 'Wait' means no. 'I'm tired' means no. 'Maybe tomorrow' means no. Furthermore, if you have aggressive tendencies, get yourself counseling before getting into any sexual relationship. You might even find it for free if you contact your county or city's public health department. Even if you feel you deserve sex doesn't mean a woman owes it to you.
    Likewise, an unconscious woman isn't an aroused woman. Drugs, booze, roofies, valuum do not equal consent. Whatever you do will not be good for her, plus you'll leave a DNA trail no matter what you do. If anyone offers to sell you a date rape drug, give the police the bastard's name.
    There's no way to trick or force good sex. If you want good sex, do the work required to actually become a good lover. This starts with becoming presentable, trustworthy and easy to be with. We have tips for those, too. Join Firegirls.com and learn all of our tips and tricks.